waterworks

it's funny how emotional i can be sometimes (or most of the time). people who know me well are pretty used to this. tears are a regular part of my life. this doesn't bother me much; it's actually one of the things i really like about myself. getting to cry is such a wonderful release for me that i usually welcome it. i anticipate it because it is one of those things that i can feel coming on, usually the night before. and when i finally get the chance to cry, the Lord does good things in me.

last night was no different from many other nights in my life. as i was talking with caitlin and sarah margaret, i was thinking aloud. i said, "i think i need to cry soon. probably tomorrow." and sure enough, today has already been full of tears, and it's not even two yet. today i have felt overwhelmed and inadequate and disappointed with myself, all things that are not from the Lord. but it's not always this way with my tears. i cry a lot when i am burdened for other people, when i'm sharing in their pain, when i encounter the Lord, and when i'm asking God for things. these are pretty frequent occurrences in my life and so are the tears.

in my world, where i feel like i'm the only person who cries often, this occasionally makes me feel weird. why i am overly emotional? am i weak? why can't i control myself sometimes? and then i remember that people in the Bible cried a lot. the psalmist especially. David was a pretty passionate guy, and while i have no proof, i am willing to bet that he cried. Jesus Himself cried out while spending time with His Dad, with prayers and supplications, loud cries and tears. (heb. 5:7)

and this is my reassurance whenever i question my emotions: those who sow in tears shall reap with songs of joy. (ps. 126:5)