made & blessedly restored

In this little thing I saw three attributes: the first is that God made it, the second is that He loves it, the third is that God cares for it. But what does that mean to me? Truly, the maker, the lover, the carer; for until I become one substance with Him, I can never have love, rest or true bliss; that is to say, until I am so bound to Him that there may be no created thing between my God and me. And who shall do this deed? Truly, Himself, by His mercy and His grace, for He has made me and blessedly restored me to that end.

-Julian of Norwich, Revelations of Divine Love.

come.

"wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest."
-my utmost for His highest, august 20

i spend a lot of my energy wrestling with anxiety, with doubt, with fear. Jesus calls out to me, "come to me, laura elizabeth, you are wearied, i will give you rest... in me, you will find rest for your soul." (matthew 11:28-30) Jesus doesn't tell me that He can give me rest but that He will.

i ask why, Lord? what's going on? why do i feel i'm at this life thing alone sometimes? i beg for answers, like thomas, "Lord, i don't know where You're going, how will i know the way?" (john 14:5) i don't feel i know the way at all, and i cry out in my confusion. Jesus answers me, "peace i leave you, laura; i am giving you my peace, not the peace the world tries to give you. do not let your heart be troubled; do not be afraid, laura." (john 14:27) Jesus tells me to not be afraid. He commands me, "be strong, laura, have courage. do not be shaken, do not be dejected. i am with you wherever you go, laura." (joshua 1:9) Jesus has not left me homeless, He has given me a home in Him. i am not alone.

i use a lot of my heart and my thoughts trying to figure things out, trying to create my perfect plan, my perfect next step, my perfect life. and the pressure i place on myself is too much, trying and trying to do it myself, never stopping to listen. Jesus says to me, "laura, laura, you are worried and bothered by so many things... stop, sit at my feet, listen to me. then you will know what can never be taken, then you will know what will last." (luke 10:38-42) Jesus asks me to listen to His word; the rest will be taken care of. He says to me, "laura, cast your anxiety on me. i care for you." (1 peter 5:7)

i often walk in fear that i will do something wrong, that i have made the wrong choice, that i have screwed things up, that i have failed again. but God encourages me, "laura, i am not giving you the spirit of fear. i am giving you this kind of spirit: my power, my love, my discipline." (2 timothy 1:7) He says, use these things, walk in this way, not in the way of your old life but in the way of your overflowing life in Me. and as for your failures, do you think i am not enough to cover them? Jesus tells me, "laura, i bore your sins in my body on the cross, so that you might die to your sin and live to righteousness, for by my wounds, you are healed." (1 peter 2:24) do you hear me, laura? Jesus Christ died to heal me. "i have showed my deep love for you: though you were a sinner, i died for you." (romans 5:8) God has not left me without a Redeemer: His name is Jesus.

Jesus says, "laura, do not be afraid. i have redeemed you. i am calling you by your name. you belong to me." (isaiah 43:1) don't you know that your name means victory? what have you to fear?

laura, when you know my unquenchable love for You, when you know you are healed and redeemed and clean before me, you will know my unfathomable peace, you will experience my rest, you will be able to sit still. you will not longer live in a constant state of anxiety and fear if you know the "breadth and length and height depth of my love which surpasses knowledge." (ephesians 3:18-19) you will have all the strength and courage and power and love and discipline that you need. i have already given them to you, laura. when you rest secure in my love for you, you will see them play out in your life. you will see that you have everything that you need in me, that in me all things hold together. you will find rest for your soul. cease your striving, laura. come to Me that you might know Me.

---

laura elizabeth,
come, walk toward me.
make my grace your home,
make my goodness your shelter,
make my love the place you dwell always.
by my wounds, you are healed.
love, Jesus

come in close and speak

child of My love, lean hard,
and let Me feel the pressure of your care;
I know your burden, child. I shaped it;
balanced it in Mine Own hand; made no proportion
in its weight to your unaided strength,
for even as I laid it on, I said,
"I will be near, and while she leans on Me,
this burden will be Mine, not hers;
so i will keep My child within the circling arms
of My Own love." here lay it down, nor fear
to impose it on a shoulder that upholds
the government of worlds. yet closer come:
you are not near enough. I would embrace your care;
so I might feel My child reclining on My breast.
you love Me, I know. so then do not doubt;
but loving Me, lean hard.

-from Streams in the Desert

this devotional is the one from my birthday, but i read it again tonight and felt the Lord really speaking to me in this. there are a few (and by a few, i mean a lot of) things that really stand out to me. first, the Lord actually wants to take my burdens. they are not burdensome to Him as they are to me. the idea that God balanced them in His hands before i felt them reminds me that the things that burdening me are working to shape me, grow me, prune me, and work on me. i love the reminder that the Lord is near when i am weighed down; He promises me that He is there (even to the end of the age).

i love that even in my pressure, in my worry, in my distrust, the Lord is circling His arms around me in love. this image reminds me that God is my father, He is my protector, He is my comforter. when i need to be held, He is holding me ("Your hands that shaped the world are holding me, they hold me still" -jj).

the words "here lay it down, nor fear" remind me of how often i do fear giving things to the Lord. i am afraid He doesn't want them; i am afraid He will think they are silly; i am afraid He has more important things to deal with (unreached people groups, earthquake survivors, child soldiers, my friends and family, cancer). but this is the One who has the government on His shoulders... why would He not have the strength for my burden? why would He not care? He has drawn me with everlasting love and kindness.

i love the part that says, "yet closer come: you are not near enough." it reminds me that the Lord does desire intimacy with me, that just close is not close enough. He has a heart for me personally. "you love me, I know" strikes me deeply. the Lord knows that i love Him? because most of the time i feel that i don't love Him enough. i often feel i have to get to a certain point for the Lord to acknowledge that i want to serve Him, that i want to follow Him, that i want to know Him deeply. i love the image of john with his head on Jesus. that's the kind of disciple i want to be. that's the kind of love i want to know. that's the kind of relationship i want to have with the Lord. i want to lean so fully on Him that if He were to move away from me, i would completely wipe out. i want to place so much of my care on Him that i am nothing without that support completely surrounding me. i want to truly rely on the Lord to sustain me. i want to lean hard.