(working on) abounding in the work of the Lord

when the Lord told me about a week and a few days ago that i would need to fight for Him the last week of camp, i had no idea what He meant. i thought i knew; i thought He meant that i would need to fight to pour into the kids spiritually, fight to do my own quiet time, fight the desire to not care at all, fight the desire to dream of home and forget where i was.

and yes, i did fight some of these things. but many of them were overshadowed by different, more obvious fights: nose bleeds, intense homesickness, and a stomach bug like one st. christopher has probably seen before but was still ridiculous.

i can't even explain how frustrating it was to fight all of these things. they were all, i believe, partially normal and physical and partially spiritual. i know for sure that the enemy was trying to get me where it hurt. i was so disappointed because i felt like so little spiritual change was taking place. it was all i could do to meet physical needs without collapsing, but what about these kids meeting Jesus and hearing God and all of the good things that have happened other weeks?

the last week of camp was certainly an exercise in faith: knowing that things were happening that i couldn't see. the Lord was at work in me and in the kids spiritually as i was meeting physical needs. i am constantly reminding myself that just because i don't notice doesn't mean God isn't doing good things.

i myself had been battling my own homesickness for a couple weeks, so i feel glad to be home. the stomach bug did eventually catch up to me saturday night, right when i arrived in athens. the Lord is reminding me that here is no different than there: i am still going to be fighting for Jesus, fighting my flesh, fighting the enemy.

the best part of the fight is the knowledge that Jesus has victory.

"but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 cor. 15:57)

advent of something

even in my frustration,
there are so many things to be thankful for.
the Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger, and rich in love.

i am so indecisive,
but the Lord knows everything.
He knows everything i need.
i am so quick to become angry,
but the Lord has patience and understanding.
i am fainting, growing weary,
but the Lord remains ever firm.
my heart and my flesh are failing,
but He is my portion forever.
i am inconsiderate and difficult,
but the Lord loves me still.
i am frightened,
but God is holding my hand.
i am constantly searching,
(searching for things that don't satisfy)
but God gives me Himself.
i think i am always right,
but the Lord gently corrects.
i am easily offended;
i have difficulty forgiving,
but the Lord's mercy covers me.

i praise Him when it's easy;
i cry when it's hard.
i cry when i worship;
i try to worship when i cry.
(this is more difficult.)


i sometimes find myself in the desert,
where my soul longs for water.
i am thirsty.
and i see You there.
despite myself, You find me there.