more fully myself

the Lord has really been speaking to me through this devotional. i've come back to it over and over in the past few mornings and evenings, rereading and thinking about being myself, being changed, and being known by God:

"I designed you to live in union with Me. This union does not negate who you are; it actually makes you more fully yourself. When you try to live independently of me, you experience emptiness and dissatisfaction. You may gain the whole world and yet lose everything that really counts.

Find fulfillment through living close to Me, yielding to My purposes for you. Though I may lead you along paths tht feel alien to you, trust that I know what I am doing. If you follow Me wholeheartedly, you will discover facets of yourself that were previously hidden. I know you intimately - far better than you know yourself. In union with Me, you are complete. In closeness to Me, you are transformed more and more into the one I designed you to be."

-Sarah Young, Jesus Calling, September 16

"for You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb.

i will give thanks to You, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made;

wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.

my frame was not hidden from You,

when i was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;

and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me,

when as yet there was not one of them."

-psalm 139:13-16

"quand je n'étais qu'une masse informe, tes yeux me voyaient; et sur ton livre étaient tous inscrits les jours qui m'étaient destinés, avant qu'aucun d'eux existât." -psaume 139:16

for surely You are a God who sees.

as i was & as i will be

one thing i have been struggling with lately is feeling known. i have often bought into the lie that the people around don't know me and that they don't care to know me either. and though, in my heart, i'm sure this isn't true, sometimes it's hard to believe God. sometimes i'd rather believe the world and the enemy because it seems easier, because it seems it's the way it's all going to turn out in the end. because it seems lonely is just the way it's going to be. because i don't really trust the Lord as much as i wish i could.

yesterday morning as i was doing my quiet time, i was listening to waterdeep. i was thinking about how much the Lord knows me, how deeply and how certainly. how perfectly and how unconditionally. He has never left me alone, He has never refused my friendship. He has never not loved me. in fact, He has loved me since the beginning of time.

"I am the Good Shepherd and I know My own and My own know Me, even as the Father knows Me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep." -john 10:14-15

this verse is ridiculous, in a good way. check it out: as God in heaven knows His only Son, Jesus--the One who was begotten from the same substance as the Father--and as Jesus knew His Father--the One who formed, instructed, led, and guided Him as He did His ministry on earth. in john 10:30, Jesus said, "I and the Father are one." that's some intimate stuff.

wait. that's how the Lord knows me? it seems almost unbelievable to me. i literally opened up my Bible again to check and make sure i didn't get it wrong. the way that God the Father and Jesus Christ know each other is the way Jesus and His sheep know each other. Jesus knows me that much. how could i feel unknown when i have this Guy shepherding my life? not only that, but the verse also says that i know Jesus. i hear His voice because i am His little sheep. (john 10:27)

i am His own. i'm seen and known.

"then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You are a God who sees." (genesis 16:13)

from the fall of my heart
to the resurrection of my soul,
You know me, God,
and You know my ways;
in my rising, in my sitting down
You see me as i am.
-audrey assad, known