everything is bound to change

once upon a time, i graduated from high school and went to college. lora wong made me a mix cd, and written on the cd in sharpie were the lyrics from a sean mcconnell song: "you know things can never stay the same, you know everything is bound to change." truth. things were bound to change then, in summer 2007, just as things are bound to change now. this is the course of life.

when i experience major change, i feel there is a lot to grieve: the loss of the things that have been. new, good things will come, but it's hard to deal with closing a chapter of life. i am truly a creature of habit. change is hard for me. i can't think of any other time in my life when i've felt this frustrated with the things God is doing, or in my case, the things i feel He isn't doing. i know He's working even though i don't understand but i want answers to my questions. when is He going to make me excited about the future? when will the confusion disappear? what exactly are my passions? what is my specific calling in life? these are things i really desire...

maybe the issue comes down to what everyone else is doing. other people are getting jobs in areas they're really passionate about. other people are moving to cool cities. other people are getting married. other people have actual jobs where they will make money and support themselves. other people have internships that will eventually get them jobs. other people have perfect plans developed. other people are looking forward to the future. i know i shouldn't be playing the comparison game... but sometimes, compared to all this, i feel like i have nothing.

i know the Lord has specific, perfect, individual plans just for me. i have hope that He will bring to completion all the things He's been starting in me (though i don't know His timeline). i have faith that the Lord is still good, still strong and powerful, still sovereign, still loving and kind and gracious and merciful, still righteous and holy, still perfect, still all-knowing... even though, in some moments, i often don't feel that these things are true about Him. they are still true. and Jesus is still worthy of everything: all my strength and hope, all my love and devotion, all my trust.

elissa has captured my prayer for this morning:
"i do not need to know Your schedule or Your plans
Christ died so i can live is all i need to understand
i put my trust in You and on Your promises i'll stand"

help me to know this is true, Jesus. help me to trust You.

"gone away"

i've been tracing my steps
in fingerprint clues
and clips of the news
wondering why in our lives
the wind calls our name
and we're never the same

-lucy schwartz

thank you, elissa ewald, for today's musical fix.

harry potter 7.1

for the premiere, i dressed up as the golden snitch.

my roommate lauren was the perfect luna lovegood - quibbler, glasses, and all.

i even had golden snitch earrings.

this is my awesome friend elissa.

i made my costume all by myself, i.e. with lots of help from laura boldt.
david and carlen are TOO fun.

(oh, and the movie was great too!)

twenty-two!

officially, the weirdest thing about being twenty-two is the thought that the next time september 12 rolls around, i'll be turning twenty-three. looking or saying the word twenty-two too many times is strange also. this birthday also marks the one on which everyone's "happy birthday!" is followed by a "wow, you're getting old." true. i suppose passing twenty-one indicates a swift movement out of your youth. my nearly-fifteen-year-old sister even said, "don't worry, i'll still love you when you're wrinkly." thanks, em.

this birthday was one of the most enjoyable i've had in a long time. i love birthdays, but i love others' a lot more than my own. i generally don't like having all the attention on me, despite my history of years and years on stage. but this one was wonderful. one hundred percent of the reason was because i have wonderful friends and an amazing family.

turning twenty-two included...

...having pumpkin pancakes with whipped cream for brunch with my friends who live with me.

...purchasing cowboy boots, old french books, and one dollar yellow nail polish at the flea market. also, fresh fruit snow cones. strawberry and guava.

... these two wonderful ladies cooking me shrimp and scallop pasta with roasted veggies and cream sauce. (what can i say? i'm italian.)

...eating said dinner with incredible friends. minus a few who are very special and i miss a lot. (rachel, laura arline, and gracie, i love you.) i also got a phone call from argentina in which gracie yelled "HAPPY BITHRDAY!" about thirty times. then we skyped. it was wonderful.

...baking cupcakes with elissa. these are german chocolate cake, filled with the german chocolate icing (coconut and pecan), topped with fudge icing and coconut. yes, i love coconut. and the fact that my birthday candle was an orange tea light. twenty-two candles would have been depressing, two giant 2 candles would not have been cute. i would not have had it any other way.

oh, i am so blessed.

you can sleep in, you keep dreamin

friday/saturday:
hanging out with bootsie (emily)
gilmore girls, per usual
made her a facebook!
yummy dinner, cookies with mom & dad
passenger seat with elissa
jesus answering prayers

sunday:
cheerwine for breakfast
goodwill for three hours
bought TOO many things
laughing with carlen
(i missed her a lot this summer)
taco bell
church at christ community
sidewalk chalk on the driveway
watching c & lvb's hose attacks
harry potter 1
fried green tomatoes at elissa's

...and i even got schoolwork in!

needless to say, it was a good two days.
God is so cool.
and i am so excited for fall!

i was a little girl

today, twenty-one years ago, a very special person was born. her name is elissa, and she is my friend. she shines the light of Jesus. and i love her.

we like georgia football.

we like playing in leaves.

freshman year we would decorate our door.

we like crawfish parties and rachel!

we like matching and waterfalls and making weird faces.
and just being together.