everything is Yours

A lot has happened since I've returned from France. I've seen roommates in Roswell, spent time with best friends in Athens and at home, spent time with camp friends in Charleston, had family from Florida come for Thanksgiving. My little sister turned sixteen. (Crazy.) I've been to two Falcons games with my dad. I've run tons of errands and done some cleaning with my mom, which is some of my favorite time we get to spend together, just being in the car, doing whatever and talking. UGA beat Georgia Tech and took the SEC East. I saw Needtobreathe in concert, and it was incredible.

On the "well-that's-nice-but-what-are-you-doing-with-your-life-and-what-about-your-future" note, the Lord's hand was definitely in my going to France (I knew it before, but it's nice to see it in hindsight too). Being in France reminded me of why I majored in French, of why I love speaking French, of why I love the French language, French literature, French history, French culture. It was so nice to live and dress and walk and think in French. Even though I felt clumsy and unnatural and awkward and overly American at first, it came to feel very natural. So much so, I suppose, that my English was incredibly jumbled in my mind and, at times, difficult to speak when I returned home. Being there, it was as if all of my French classes were coming to life in front of me, and it was exciting. It was that moment when you realize that you've learned something in college, and not only something useful, but also something that you love.

So, I'm four days out from taking the GRE (boo for standardized testing) and not too far from completing my application. Graduate school, here I come! (Well, hopefully.) I've known since about halfway through college that I wouldn't be done with school after my undergraduate degree (I think I love learning too much), but I wasn't really sure when or where or how that would happen. Now, I'm planning on getting my Masters degree in French. To do what, you ask? I've decided I don't have to know right this second. Right now I'm thinking teaching, but it's not my only option. Ministry is still on the table too. But for now, I really feel that this is where the Lord is leading me. It may seem silly, getting more education when I could be out doing something that seems, from the other side, a lot more productive. But for me, this is the next step. I don't know where God is taking me in the long run, but this is where He is taking me now. So here's to hoping for an acceptance letter come spring!

And with all this excitement also comes change. Letting go, moving on, saying goodbye. Yesterday my best friend of ten years, Rachel, left to begin her service in the Peace Corps as a health educator. She's going to spend over two years in Guinea, in West Africa, which means that, as far as I know right now, I won't see her again until February of 2014, when we are both twenty-five. It's a weird feeling, to be so excited for someone that you want to burst and, at the same time, to feel that all you want is for her to not be so far away.

Spending Friday night with her, right after Thanksgiving, as we were lying in her bed next to each other, trying to fall asleep as we've done at least a hundred times before, I just kept thinking of how thankful I was that God had given me such a good friend for such a long time. And I was reminded of the bridge of a long-time loved worship song that gets me every time: "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, blessed be Your name." I have cried over so many things just trying to muster those words, knowing how hard it is to be okay with God's divine sovereignty, with His choice to take things away. I was reminded that I needed to be thankful to God even though I felt I was losing her for awhile. God is still so good, He is still the perfect Father, He is still the Giver of all things. Job knew this as he asked his wife, "Are we only going to accept the good things from God and not the hard things too?" (Yes, that is my personal paraphrasing.) I remembered how important it is to hold the gifts He gives us loosely, knowing that all things are from Him and through Him and to Him, just as Rachel belongs to Him. She is His beautiful daughter. He is taking her on an amazing adventure, and I am so blessed to call her my friend, to watch her grow and change from afar.

I've been reminded this Thanksgiving season, through saying goodbye to Rachel and through many other avenues, that gratitude isn't about being thankful for the things we have. It's not about "I'm thankful that we can play Just Dance 3 on our Wii" (though it is super fun) or "I'm thankful for my opportunities and my education" or even "I'm thankful for my family and friends." It's great to recognize what wonderful blessings those things are. But our real gratitude it seems, should stem from our thankfulness to God for the gift of His love for us, that He has given us Himself and His Son, that He is who He says He is. Because even without all the things we go on about being thankful for, we would still have reason to praise Him. Because He is God and because He loves us forever.

I still feel I have a lot more things going on to share, but this seems enough for one post. In many ways, I feel I'm still a teenager, and in other ways I feel I am, in this season, growing into more of an adult, even as I live at home with my parents for a time. I think I am changing and growing, and that makes me excited. Though it's a (very, very, very) slow process, I'm hoping I'm starting to look a little bit more like Jesus. God, in His infinite grace toward me in this season, is truly the One to be thankful for.

the past 3 months, pt. 2

in may, i graduated from college!

encouraging sisterly affection

something to be thankful for: an amazing sister.

i love that emily and i have fun doing pretty much anything together. she is so warm, loving, and sweet. i love coming home because she is always excited to see me. she is simply awesome.

some of our favorite things to do together are laughing, cooking, baking, watching pride and prejudice, thrifting, watching glee, drinking coke floats, singing, dancing, getting frozen yogurt, playing board games, watching old movies (mostly musicals and anything with bing crosby) and sleeping with our beds or mattresses pushed together.

[people i love]

the word on the street is that my blog is depressing.

thus, i am making a concerted effort to make it reflect

the abundant joy that is in my life,

which i often forget to blog about in the fog of my frustration and feelings.

this post is dedicated to people that i love,

to the people who are and have been important to me at different parts along my journey.

you mean the world to me.

whether or not i've seen you recently,

whether or not we talk regularly,

you have been a part of God's work in making me who i am.

i love you, i promise.

my family: mom, dad, will, emily.

there is too much to say to say much here.

my love and support always, i love you all more than you know.

rachel:

my friend since she invited me to go bowling and sleep over at her house after the eighth grade dance, my constant car/bus companion for countless drives to smyrna which generally involved starbuck's or chick-fil-a, my thrift store shopping buddy, my source for good tunes, my second home in high school, the person who might know everything about me, my love.

elissa:

my middle school literacy friend who was nerdy alongside me, my freshman year of college roommate, my constant support, my late-night movies and sweets partner in crime, she has seen me at my best and at my worst, laughed with me and cried with me, shared her heart for Jesus with me, my love.

my ladyview loves: meredith, laura boldt, carlen, lauraline.

the beautiful women i have lived with for two years,

i can't say enough about the place i hold for them in my heart.

lora wong:

my dance friend since around the bananaphone era, my dance friend today, my sister in Christ, my love. (and i love that you call me laura elizabeth.)

gracie:

the girl i met when she first moved to marietta and thought, "i will be friends with this girl," the person i can count on to bring out the spontaneous in me, my road trip to greenville partner, she can make laugh anytime, my love.

my camp family:

the Lord has grown me so much through knowing you. i love how different you all are and yet how much we share in common.

my johnson ferry small group: jenny, carole ann, kathryn, katie, sarah, katherine, katie, courtney, jasmine, allison, hillary.

the girls i've shared hearts with for so many years, so many mission trips, and so many christmas parties. you have been such an encouragement in my walk with Jesus, and i am so thankful for each of you.

the girlie posse:

the girls who loved me during some of my weirdest moments in life. thank you for the best summer-before-high-school a girl could ask for.

my ib family:

the people i took all my classes with, ate all my lunches with, went to all the football games with, the people who were pulling all the same all-nighters i was and who were taking all the same tests as i was, the people who are part of some of my favorite memories.

i am going to stop since it feels like this post has turned into a series of yearbook entries.

but hey, a girl can be sentimental every now and then, right?

love, laura.

never had to have a chaperone, no sir

my to-do list for today:

(a) work on the newspaper's mammoth crossword puzzle
(b) play in the snow
(c) read as much as i want
(d) spend time alone with Jesus
(e) bake cookies
(f) play just dance on the wii with emily and will
(g) fill out my camp application
(h) maybe start a family puzzle

i think it's official. i love winter break.

what i've been up to

taking four classes: african history up to 1800; french literature 1700-1900; justice & reconciliation in post-conflict societies; latin american political systems.

wesley foundation & wesley dance leadership.

working on applying for a teaching assistantship in france for next year. (scary!)

eating chick-fil-a, cleaning out my stuff, praying, hanging out with roommates, and getting plenty of sleep (finally, in my fourth year of college).

getting excited for cold, cozy weather and the holiday season!

visiting family a lot (just because, will & kelsey's fall break, emily's birthday) and tonight i'm going to tuscaloosa with mom & dad to see will perform!

getting excited for the harry potter premiere on thursday night... just wait until you see our costumes!

twenty-two!

officially, the weirdest thing about being twenty-two is the thought that the next time september 12 rolls around, i'll be turning twenty-three. looking or saying the word twenty-two too many times is strange also. this birthday also marks the one on which everyone's "happy birthday!" is followed by a "wow, you're getting old." true. i suppose passing twenty-one indicates a swift movement out of your youth. my nearly-fifteen-year-old sister even said, "don't worry, i'll still love you when you're wrinkly." thanks, em.

this birthday was one of the most enjoyable i've had in a long time. i love birthdays, but i love others' a lot more than my own. i generally don't like having all the attention on me, despite my history of years and years on stage. but this one was wonderful. one hundred percent of the reason was because i have wonderful friends and an amazing family.

turning twenty-two included...

...having pumpkin pancakes with whipped cream for brunch with my friends who live with me.

...purchasing cowboy boots, old french books, and one dollar yellow nail polish at the flea market. also, fresh fruit snow cones. strawberry and guava.

... these two wonderful ladies cooking me shrimp and scallop pasta with roasted veggies and cream sauce. (what can i say? i'm italian.)

...eating said dinner with incredible friends. minus a few who are very special and i miss a lot. (rachel, laura arline, and gracie, i love you.) i also got a phone call from argentina in which gracie yelled "HAPPY BITHRDAY!" about thirty times. then we skyped. it was wonderful.

...baking cupcakes with elissa. these are german chocolate cake, filled with the german chocolate icing (coconut and pecan), topped with fudge icing and coconut. yes, i love coconut. and the fact that my birthday candle was an orange tea light. twenty-two candles would have been depressing, two giant 2 candles would not have been cute. i would not have had it any other way.

oh, i am so blessed.

vivre, c’est naître lentement

i like this home.
this home in marietta was my shelter from age 6 to 18.
it hasn't always been my refuge, but it certainly is this weekend.

outside it is the yard
where we played laser tag with the vests and guns that were one of will's birthday presents,
where we took our easter pictures,
where we play bocce with the cousins,
where we once found baby bunnies,
where we would try to climb the bradford pear tree, before it split and fell down.

it in is the living room
where we would watch little house on the prairie in the summer before swim team practice,
where my parents carefully placed my baby sister on the brick of the fireplace on the day she came home from the hospital.

in it is the foyer
where will once chased me, causing me to fall onto a metal star
(the doctor said it would scar but it didn't),
the staircase we would run down on christmas morning, with dad filming from the bottom,
the loft where we would make forts,
where we would walk around the edges dangerously even though mom told us not to.

in it is the kitchen
where i would do my homework in middle school,
where we would eat publix rotisserie chicken,
where i would sneak into the pantry when no one was looking to eat some of the colored icings that came in the betty crocker tubes
(the yellow one was definitely the tastiest),
where i would climb up onto the counters to get a plate because, for the longest time, i was too small to reach them.

in it is my bedroom
where i lost my baby teeth,
where i stayed up all night, droswy-eyed but determined, writing papers in high school,
where i put my hair into countless numbers of buns in front of my mirror
(there were usually bobby pins everywhere),
where i would hide in my closet, nestled next to my bookshelf to read and write,
where my mom would open the door to wake me up gently,
where my dad would tuck me in, making me "as snug as a bug in a rug,"
where i had laura ashley bunnies papering my walls for the first few years.

this home has changed in the last few years.
new hardwood floors, new paint,
less kids at home, healthier food in the fridge.
emily is working on moving into my old room.
these things feel strange sometimes, but they don't bother me much.
i have changed and grown, why should i expect different from my home?

and though our family has changed and grown,
they are still the same.
and i love coming home to them.

you can sleep in, you keep dreamin

friday/saturday:
hanging out with bootsie (emily)
gilmore girls, per usual
made her a facebook!
yummy dinner, cookies with mom & dad
passenger seat with elissa
jesus answering prayers

sunday:
cheerwine for breakfast
goodwill for three hours
bought TOO many things
laughing with carlen
(i missed her a lot this summer)
taco bell
church at christ community
sidewalk chalk on the driveway
watching c & lvb's hose attacks
harry potter 1
fried green tomatoes at elissa's

...and i even got schoolwork in!

needless to say, it was a good two days.
God is so cool.
and i am so excited for fall!

every time it rains it rains pennies from heaven.

Thanksgiving was perfect. I love my family. I love playing Clue, seeing Dad get so excited over frying a turkey, and cooking with Mom. I love day-long road-trips and hours upon hours spent in a Sonic parking lot in Alexander City, Alabama. I love peeking over to-go bags with Will for a solid four minutes at Outback. I love sharing Icees with Emily at the movie theater and making it awkward by always going in for the straw at the exact time she does. I love how we always buy our Christmas tree all together. I love my siblings, especially because they give in and finally allow such a picture to happen:

oh, how I love them.