come in close and speak

child of My love, lean hard,
and let Me feel the pressure of your care;
I know your burden, child. I shaped it;
balanced it in Mine Own hand; made no proportion
in its weight to your unaided strength,
for even as I laid it on, I said,
"I will be near, and while she leans on Me,
this burden will be Mine, not hers;
so i will keep My child within the circling arms
of My Own love." here lay it down, nor fear
to impose it on a shoulder that upholds
the government of worlds. yet closer come:
you are not near enough. I would embrace your care;
so I might feel My child reclining on My breast.
you love Me, I know. so then do not doubt;
but loving Me, lean hard.

-from Streams in the Desert

this devotional is the one from my birthday, but i read it again tonight and felt the Lord really speaking to me in this. there are a few (and by a few, i mean a lot of) things that really stand out to me. first, the Lord actually wants to take my burdens. they are not burdensome to Him as they are to me. the idea that God balanced them in His hands before i felt them reminds me that the things that burdening me are working to shape me, grow me, prune me, and work on me. i love the reminder that the Lord is near when i am weighed down; He promises me that He is there (even to the end of the age).

i love that even in my pressure, in my worry, in my distrust, the Lord is circling His arms around me in love. this image reminds me that God is my father, He is my protector, He is my comforter. when i need to be held, He is holding me ("Your hands that shaped the world are holding me, they hold me still" -jj).

the words "here lay it down, nor fear" remind me of how often i do fear giving things to the Lord. i am afraid He doesn't want them; i am afraid He will think they are silly; i am afraid He has more important things to deal with (unreached people groups, earthquake survivors, child soldiers, my friends and family, cancer). but this is the One who has the government on His shoulders... why would He not have the strength for my burden? why would He not care? He has drawn me with everlasting love and kindness.

i love the part that says, "yet closer come: you are not near enough." it reminds me that the Lord does desire intimacy with me, that just close is not close enough. He has a heart for me personally. "you love me, I know" strikes me deeply. the Lord knows that i love Him? because most of the time i feel that i don't love Him enough. i often feel i have to get to a certain point for the Lord to acknowledge that i want to serve Him, that i want to follow Him, that i want to know Him deeply. i love the image of john with his head on Jesus. that's the kind of disciple i want to be. that's the kind of love i want to know. that's the kind of relationship i want to have with the Lord. i want to lean so fully on Him that if He were to move away from me, i would completely wipe out. i want to place so much of my care on Him that i am nothing without that support completely surrounding me. i want to truly rely on the Lord to sustain me. i want to lean hard.