let me find i'm at Your feet

things worth fighting for require the fight.

last summer was hard.
there were fears that the Lord's love cast out.
there were doubts that i wrestled that the Lord covered with peace.
there was sorrow, and with time, the Lord's joy clothed me fully.
there was confusion and disappointment and anger and frustration, but the Lord's grace was a constant during all these times.

but last summer was so good.
God blessed me in more ways than i can remember.
He taught me so much about Himself, about His heart for me.
He taught me about patience, how to wait for Him.
He gave me such a desire for His Word.

i expected this summer to be hard.
but not in ways i've experienced.
i knew that leading a team would be hard.
but i expected to breeze through everything else.

i expected to have everything else under control.
(yes, MY control.)
and, as always, God surprised me in the best ways.
He showed me that it's His control that's important.
that i am small but loved.
that i am known and understood.
that i am His own.

He wants to give good gifts to His children.
i have asked and received.
it hasn't been easy.
but the fight is worth it.
the race is important.
i want to run the course the Lord has set for me.

i am ready for this year.
i am excited for this year.

God is GOOD despite my exhaustion.
God is in me, even when i am tired.
mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually drained.
i'm ready for the Lord's strength to kick in.
hear that, God?
i'm ready and i can't do it without You.
i don't know why i would want to.
i don't know how i could.

Lord, i love You.
have Your way with me.