oh, is-real

pictures of God's love for me this summer:

this is my cabin from session 11.

we were in 6b.

sailing!

this is my favorite sail.

walking to the mudpit!
we were really excited.

at the mudpit with lindsey,
my counselor for session 11.
she was a-ma-zing.

campfire guests.

all we were missing was the mystery machine itself.

kayaking with laura haynie.

first and last time all summer.

but it was fun.

the Lord is faithful.

you can sleep in, you keep dreamin

friday/saturday:
hanging out with bootsie (emily)
gilmore girls, per usual
made her a facebook!
yummy dinner, cookies with mom & dad
passenger seat with elissa
jesus answering prayers

sunday:
cheerwine for breakfast
goodwill for three hours
bought TOO many things
laughing with carlen
(i missed her a lot this summer)
taco bell
church at christ community
sidewalk chalk on the driveway
watching c & lvb's hose attacks
harry potter 1
fried green tomatoes at elissa's

...and i even got schoolwork in!

needless to say, it was a good two days.
God is so cool.
and i am so excited for fall!

(working on) abounding in the work of the Lord

when the Lord told me about a week and a few days ago that i would need to fight for Him the last week of camp, i had no idea what He meant. i thought i knew; i thought He meant that i would need to fight to pour into the kids spiritually, fight to do my own quiet time, fight the desire to not care at all, fight the desire to dream of home and forget where i was.

and yes, i did fight some of these things. but many of them were overshadowed by different, more obvious fights: nose bleeds, intense homesickness, and a stomach bug like one st. christopher has probably seen before but was still ridiculous.

i can't even explain how frustrating it was to fight all of these things. they were all, i believe, partially normal and physical and partially spiritual. i know for sure that the enemy was trying to get me where it hurt. i was so disappointed because i felt like so little spiritual change was taking place. it was all i could do to meet physical needs without collapsing, but what about these kids meeting Jesus and hearing God and all of the good things that have happened other weeks?

the last week of camp was certainly an exercise in faith: knowing that things were happening that i couldn't see. the Lord was at work in me and in the kids spiritually as i was meeting physical needs. i am constantly reminding myself that just because i don't notice doesn't mean God isn't doing good things.

i myself had been battling my own homesickness for a couple weeks, so i feel glad to be home. the stomach bug did eventually catch up to me saturday night, right when i arrived in athens. the Lord is reminding me that here is no different than there: i am still going to be fighting for Jesus, fighting my flesh, fighting the enemy.

the best part of the fight is the knowledge that Jesus has victory.

"but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 cor. 15:57)

let me find i'm at Your feet

things worth fighting for require the fight.

last summer was hard.
there were fears that the Lord's love cast out.
there were doubts that i wrestled that the Lord covered with peace.
there was sorrow, and with time, the Lord's joy clothed me fully.
there was confusion and disappointment and anger and frustration, but the Lord's grace was a constant during all these times.

but last summer was so good.
God blessed me in more ways than i can remember.
He taught me so much about Himself, about His heart for me.
He taught me about patience, how to wait for Him.
He gave me such a desire for His Word.

i expected this summer to be hard.
but not in ways i've experienced.
i knew that leading a team would be hard.
but i expected to breeze through everything else.

i expected to have everything else under control.
(yes, MY control.)
and, as always, God surprised me in the best ways.
He showed me that it's His control that's important.
that i am small but loved.
that i am known and understood.
that i am His own.

He wants to give good gifts to His children.
i have asked and received.
it hasn't been easy.
but the fight is worth it.
the race is important.
i want to run the course the Lord has set for me.

i am ready for this year.
i am excited for this year.

God is GOOD despite my exhaustion.
God is in me, even when i am tired.
mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually drained.
i'm ready for the Lord's strength to kick in.
hear that, God?
i'm ready and i can't do it without You.
i don't know why i would want to.
i don't know how i could.

Lord, i love You.
have Your way with me.

advent of something

even in my frustration,
there are so many things to be thankful for.
the Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger, and rich in love.

i am so indecisive,
but the Lord knows everything.
He knows everything i need.
i am so quick to become angry,
but the Lord has patience and understanding.
i am fainting, growing weary,
but the Lord remains ever firm.
my heart and my flesh are failing,
but He is my portion forever.
i am inconsiderate and difficult,
but the Lord loves me still.
i am frightened,
but God is holding my hand.
i am constantly searching,
(searching for things that don't satisfy)
but God gives me Himself.
i think i am always right,
but the Lord gently corrects.
i am easily offended;
i have difficulty forgiving,
but the Lord's mercy covers me.

i praise Him when it's easy;
i cry when it's hard.
i cry when i worship;
i try to worship when i cry.
(this is more difficult.)


i sometimes find myself in the desert,
where my soul longs for water.
i am thirsty.
and i see You there.
despite myself, You find me there.