made for a month of sundays

it always amazes me how i excited i am that something is ending only to find that i am hating every minute of it being over. there's this moment i am all too familiar with: i just know what the Lord is calling me to do, and i know He is saying, "move on, keep pressing on, go forward, this is the end of this season." and that moment is awful. because for me, that place has finally become comfortable, warm and welcoming. knowing it will be over before i know it tears me apart because i have slowly but surely grown to love it there, and having to disappoint people i'm close to is even more terrible, even though the Lord has been clear with me. the next moment i know well is in the middle, but towards the end: the excitement for the season to be done is building, finishing strong seems such an accomplishment, and i just can't wait for what the Lord has next for me. and when the final chapter has arrived: man, am i regretting every second of listening to the Lord's voice. i'm wishing i had just ignored Him when i had the chance, because frankly, this part hurts the most. even though the Lord shot straight with me and i obeyed, i just don't want it to be true. i don't want to move on. i can't stand the tears and the looks in our eyes. i am no good at goodbyes. this is how i know eternity has been set in my heart. i was never meant for goodbyes. i was never meant for endings. i was made for forever. and soon and very soon, that's where i'll be.