surprise, suprises

while i never thought this day would come, it has. i am thinking about grad school. key word: thinking. as in, i researched a little bit about what i would need to do and where i could go and what it would cost. i always was turned off by it because international affairs grad programs sound terrible to me. just because of who i am. but i was drawn to them initially because of the implications. doing something that could change the world, for example. figuring out the right way to do development, finding a way for countries to cooperate to prevent genocide, yadda yadda. real life stuff, but also real mushy-gushy i will personally end poverty stuff.

and then i realized that the Lord has given me a passion for french. for speaking it, studying it, reading it, writing it. and just because it doesn't have some immediate go-getter path right afterwards doesn't mean it's not for me. but then i also think... how can the Lord use this? france, ministry, right, obviously. but how does this fit with grad school? does grad school have a place, as my parents have hoped? i always thought no, but now i've gotten to thinking that i might like it. and then comes the tricky little statement of intent. i don't have any professional goals or plans. i don't have any reason to study french at a higher level except a love for french. i do not know if this is enough. but i guess if God wants me in grad school, it will be.