eyesight

i love how well God loves me. how radically, how sweetly, and how carefully. i love how He is working out things in me that i don't even realize. i love how He has given me certain traits and characteristics that are preparing me for something. something big. He has given me eyes and dreams. and even though i have trouble with the eyes and can't see the dreams yet, i love Him all the same for them. because i know they are coming; i know that in time, and in grace, they will come.

you cannot say too much
finish your thoughts, i will listen
when no one is strong enough
to carry your heart and its vision

i know you're scared that you're still unprepared
to live out all the dreams you are wishing
but don't hide away, my love

and you'll have to find your own way
that's okay, it's okay, my love
don't let 'em tell you
you have to see through anyone's eyes
but the ones God gave you

you have a song that's as bright as a fire
and the dark has a reason to fear you
so sing when you have no voice
i'll hear you

-from i will hear you, by alli rogers.

surprise, suprises

while i never thought this day would come, it has. i am thinking about grad school. key word: thinking. as in, i researched a little bit about what i would need to do and where i could go and what it would cost. i always was turned off by it because international affairs grad programs sound terrible to me. just because of who i am. but i was drawn to them initially because of the implications. doing something that could change the world, for example. figuring out the right way to do development, finding a way for countries to cooperate to prevent genocide, yadda yadda. real life stuff, but also real mushy-gushy i will personally end poverty stuff.

and then i realized that the Lord has given me a passion for french. for speaking it, studying it, reading it, writing it. and just because it doesn't have some immediate go-getter path right afterwards doesn't mean it's not for me. but then i also think... how can the Lord use this? france, ministry, right, obviously. but how does this fit with grad school? does grad school have a place, as my parents have hoped? i always thought no, but now i've gotten to thinking that i might like it. and then comes the tricky little statement of intent. i don't have any professional goals or plans. i don't have any reason to study french at a higher level except a love for french. i do not know if this is enough. but i guess if God wants me in grad school, it will be.