bring it on, real world

it is a strange thing to begin to feel like a "grown up," to start the process everyone calls "moving on," and to look at your college room and think, "this will all be in boxes in five months." i have struggled and struggled and struggled with the future, feeling that in graduating college, my life is completely over and at the same time just beginning. i think these are all normal feelings.

lately, i have been learning to trust. i have been learning that the uncertainty surrounding the exact details of my life come september pales in comparison to the certainty of Jesus. i have been learning (once again) that the Lord intends to keep His promises and that He will provide for the things that He has called us to, even though i am just about to begin on this journey of provision. i am learning that it is my joy to do what He asks. i mean, how much better can it get than to do work for the God of the universe? i am beginning to see that Jesus really does call us to lay down everything for Him, and i often wonder if i am truly capable of doing that.

i ask Jesus a lot, "do i have what it takes?" i say to Him, "maybe You should just choose someone else, someone who is more consistent, more spiritual. You know, someone who has it together." and then i remember God doesn't make His choices this way. His work is not determined by application, by resume or by grade point average. it is instead a product of His love and His grace.

i feel blessed to be called by name by Jesus, honored to be part of His family, and excited to begin the journey of doing His work.