what i'm trying to say

i love to feel and hate to feel.
i want to know and don't.
in the balancing act of senior year
i'm feel like i'm tumbling
free falling into a world i don't know.

this is not my home
and you aren't either.
(and neither is
compassion or friendship
or love or marriage
or simplicity or settling down
or spontaneity or the open road)

i feel i'm already packing up
putting things in my little heart
hoping i can keep them there.
there;
a place i can't see
and can't explain,
whose fullness knows You only.

You never promised easy
You did promise Your spirit
so where does my loneliness fit?

i listen but i never speak
(talking is harder these days)
i speak but never say
what i really mean.
i say but it never sounds
quite like it did when i said it to You first.

You first;
You second;
You third.

You always hear,
You're never shocked.
but i think You like my sharing
all the same.

i hope You understand me
i hope You know my heart is for You
even when i feel this way.
(when confusion is my echo
and uncertainty is my shadow)
still You are my song
i will sing You in these lonely streets
i will sing You with my windows down
(sunroof open, eyes to the sky)
i will sing You in my loudest voice
i will sing You in my quiet rooms
i will sing You ever, always, now
for You have set my imprisoned heart free
and Your love sets my feet on fire.