more fully myself

the Lord has really been speaking to me through this devotional. i've come back to it over and over in the past few mornings and evenings, rereading and thinking about being myself, being changed, and being known by God:

"I designed you to live in union with Me. This union does not negate who you are; it actually makes you more fully yourself. When you try to live independently of me, you experience emptiness and dissatisfaction. You may gain the whole world and yet lose everything that really counts.

Find fulfillment through living close to Me, yielding to My purposes for you. Though I may lead you along paths tht feel alien to you, trust that I know what I am doing. If you follow Me wholeheartedly, you will discover facets of yourself that were previously hidden. I know you intimately - far better than you know yourself. In union with Me, you are complete. In closeness to Me, you are transformed more and more into the one I designed you to be."

-Sarah Young, Jesus Calling, September 16

"for You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb.

i will give thanks to You, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made;

wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.

my frame was not hidden from You,

when i was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;

and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me,

when as yet there was not one of them."

-psalm 139:13-16

"quand je n'étais qu'une masse informe, tes yeux me voyaient; et sur ton livre étaient tous inscrits les jours qui m'étaient destinés, avant qu'aucun d'eux existât." -psaume 139:16

for surely You are a God who sees.

les invalides.

officially called l'hôtel national des invalides, this set of buildings was originally commissioned by louis xiv as a home and hospital for retired, sick, and injured soldiers. today, it still serves some of those same purposes as well as others. it is located in the 7è arrondisement, and it is not that far of a walk from our apartment.

the most famous part of les invalides is the tomb of napoléon. inside the dome, there is a humongous circle opening looking down into the bottom floor, where his coffin is. i have never seen such a large tomb in my entire life. there are also tons of statues, including one of napoléon in which he looks like julius caesar... and he is tall. pretty sure he wasn't tall (or wearing a toga) in real life. oh well. i guess when you're really important you can portray yourself however you like.

above the stairs leading down to where he is buried, is a quote from napoléon. it reads, "i wish that my ashes rest along the edge of the seine, among the french people i loved so much."

another cool part is the musée de l'armée (the army museum), which chronicles the pre-world war 1 era all the way through the end of 1945. there are tons of displays (this museum is huge), including paintings, guns, cannons, political cartoons, newspapers, video clips, and maps. probably my favorite part was seeing all of the different uniforms from different eras, countries, and ranks. also, the section about the liberation of france was pretty cool.

there is also charles de gaulle museum, where rachel and i watched a 30-or-so minute film about his life. this guy was amazing. with only some military experience, he decided to lead the french resistance after maréchal pétain surrendered france to the germans... and he led it from england for four years! after the liberation, he was beloved in france. he served in different capacities throughout the rest of his life, and he instituted so many reforms during his time. he really put france on the road to becoming the country it is today. and you can tell how much he loved his country.

we also saw an exhibit of des plans-reliefs, which are basically models of cities, castles, and fortifications that were used for strategy. the room was very dark and the cases were the only part that was lit up. a little boy and his dad were walking around, and i overheard this conversation:

little boy: j'ai peur! (i'm scared!)

dad: oui, on a peur parce qu'il est noir. (yes, it's scary because it's dark.)

little boy: "peut-être il y a des monstres!" (maybe there are monsters!)

dad: oh, je ne sais pas... (oh, i don't know)

little kids speaking french is the cutest.

all in all, it was a good day. a humorous moment was when rachel and i decided to get an ice cream from the cafeteria there. we saw a display that looked like it should dispense fro-yo, but we couldn't figure out how it worked because there was nowhere for any ice cream to come out of the machine. confused, we settled on looking at the other ice cream bars, when a guy came to help us. he pulled a plastic cylinder out of a cooler, and locked it into place on the machine, which proceeded to push all the ice cream out onto the cone. he then forced us, in turn, to lick the remaining ice cream out of the bottoms of the plastic cyclinders. the other people in the cafeteria were watching us with confused looks on their faces. i was laughing a lot. it was fun being awkward and silly; no one does that too much here. and this was the hottest day of our trip by far... so eating ice cream in the gardens outside the dome was awesome!

also, any day i'm wearing my chacos in france is a good day.

la tour eiffel.

la tour eiffel was built for the 1889 world's fair, to celebrate the 100 year birthday since the french revolution, under the direction of gustave eiffel. when it first went up, many parisians hated it and thought it was ugly. originally it was only meant to stand for 20 years, but it was efficient for communication, even being used for military purposes during world war 1. during the german occupation of france, the cables to the top were cut so that hitler could not go up it. and in 2002, the world's most famous structure reached 200,000,000 visitors. that is. so. many. stinkin'. people.

it's funny. you get to paris, and everyone's asking you whether you've seen the eiffel tower yet, as if that's the thing you must do there; i didn't really understand the hype. i guess i've always been fascinated by smaller places, ones that are less dominated by tourists with those necklace money carriers and massive cameras and gargantuan buses that they spill out of. (and yes, i do recognize that i am one of those tourists with the massive cameras.)

but really. when you get there, sitting on the green grass of champ de mars (named for the god of war because of its former use as a space for military drills) with a picnic lunch of a ham and gruyère on a baguette and your best friend, you look up to the eiffel tower and think to yourself, "wow, i am really, truly, in paris." the tower is impressive and beautiful, in its metallic sort of way. i really like it. and it's not too far from our place. i have a feeling similar picnics may happen in the future. especially since the weather here is perfectly autumnal.

in conclusion: drinking starbuck's in france may be super american, jumping in front of a historic monument may be totally cliché, but being in the city of lights with your best friend is not overrated.

panthéon.

the panthéon, whose front is modeled after a monument bearing its same name in greece, used to be a church but is now a mausoleum housing famous frenchmen. the "grands hommes" are people who france considers to be national heroes because of their intellectual contributions.

inside are murals depicting different moments in the life of saint geneviève, to whom the panthéon was dedicated. there are also sculptures and frescoes dating from different periods of french history. the size and the detailed architecture of the interior dome are the most impressive parts... pretty unbelievable.

in the crypt are the tombs of france's heroes: voltaire (a personal favorite of mine since the statue depicts him smiling... he was a clever guy), jean jacques rousseau, emile zola, alexander dumas, jean moulin, marie and pierre curie, louis braille, and many others. as with the cimitière de montparnasse, it's amazing to be among some of france's most important people!

we also took a trip to the dome of the panthéon, where you can see all of paris. it was lovely. all in all, it was a great afternoon. it was our first "monument," i suppose, and therefore my first taste of all of the glory of france. this country is so old, so rich in history, compared to the states. everything is full of the centuries, and it is so evident in the buildings, museums, and homes. i love that.

la cimitière de montparnasse.

in the early 19th century, all of the cemeteries in paris were closed, due to health concerns about the spread of disease. several cemeteries were created on different sides of paris as a result - this one is slightly south. montparnasse was an artists' district in between world war 1 and world war 2, full of painters and writers.

probably the neatest part of being in this cemetery is not only how peaceful and enjoyable it is (it's not creepy or eerie - much more like a park, we've eaten lunch on benches there twice so far) but also how exciting it is to be at the resting places of some really notable people. these are people whose works i have read and studied intently, mostly during college french courses. but to walk where they walked, to see things they saw, and to be where they are buried... that's completely different.

some notables who i'm familiar with who are buried here: charles baudelaire, marguerite duras, eugène ionesco, vercors, samuel beckett, jean-paul sartre, and simone de beauvoir.

many visitors leave letters to the authors detailing the personal impact of their work. it's reading those notes that reminds me of the impact of literature. one of my favorites contained this quote:

"all of old. nothing else ever.

ever tried. ever failed.

no matter. try again.

fail again. fail better."

-samuel beckett

something i love about paris: it seems as though every place is full of history and literature and art. it's a beautiful thing.